Spain, I miss you...

(wrote months ago, just now publishing) Perhaps, Ill start my blog again?

In brief:

In the few weeks (months) upon my sad return from southern Spain, I have had an adequate amount of time to reflect, think, pray,... to be aware of my new surroundings in a new country.  Once I arrived home after been frolicked through London (!!), Portugal and Spain (with matt), it was time to pack for San Diego 5 days later for Susan's graduation. After that, it was time again to pack for Kentucky for the 5th annual sibling (+others) camping trip of Caving! Within the few quiet, gentle, and peaceful moments, I became more aware of my culture shock. 

Coming back was difficult to deal with culture shock; it was different than I how I thought it would be, based from my experience studying abroad in England.  This time from Spain, I thought I would deal with more surface and outer layer differences as it was for London.  At first, culture chock delt with how BIG everything seemed to be here…the cars, the streets, the food portions, the homes, the backyards, the stores, the malls, the plazas, the people and other major differences like the way they value family more, relaxation more and vacations more.  Not only do I disagree with multiple things we do here, but I value and appreciate what people and society do in Spain, or other European countries.

My thoughts transformed after a few weeks of being back in Chicago as it was more than surface level culture chock, but inner. 

It was not an easy ride for friends and family who care for me. It put some strain on some relationships because of my change. I came back with a new view on America and its society and culture. If not new view, then a more exaggerated view from what I already had. I am a more simplified Alice who wants to get rid of unnecessary things and clutter in my life. I know and appreciate beauty in nature and all my surroundings, from the trees and plants to people in different society's and cultures than my own. I have a stronger understanding of what is beyond, greater, and stronger than myself. I have learned how much friendship and my unique family means to me. I understand the importance of solitude and stillness in nature and in devotion, that I can become better aware of people in those settings. Gratefulness is a whole new meaning for me. Smiling when things turn upside is what matters. I know I have a lot of growing to do. In fact, it will never stop as I will continue to grow and learn every day of my life.

So I gratefully thank each of my family members for helping me through this process. Thank you for allowing me to grow as myself and beyond myself. Thank you for allowing me to be myself. Thank you for the laughs and encouragement. I am blessed to be a Bshak! Forever.

Love, your dear Alice

Moments for Life

I apologize for my presence on this blog being non existent lately. I have had a lot of things on my mind, which mostly consist with travel plans for my next month and a half. I have also been relishing and taking in every moment with Sandra (my Spanish roomie) and living the Spanish pueblo life in Utrera before I move back to Seville. I barely have a moment to rest. Thursday early morning, Natalie and I leave for Switzerland, Prague, then Vienna. Less than 24 hours after I will arrive back at my piso in Seville at 1 AM, Matt comes to Seville. After about a week, we will head to the magnificent London!

This next month and a half will be a whirlwind of an adventure that I look forward to... creating more memories. I will be traveling through Europe with Natalie then showing Matt what has been my life since September and the city that stole my heart where I studied abroad, London.

To give a brief update about my life in Utrera consists of simply stating- Best Decision I Have Made Since Being In Spain.

Every day is a new day in Utrera, as Sandra states. I never know what we will do, where we will go, or what adventure we will have. Yesturday we went to her amigas campo, which is a large estate (and house) in the country or countryside. In Spain, 'campos' consist of vegetable gardens, fruit trees (oranges or clemtines), chickens, horses, lots of land, and sometimes horses. Sandra explained to me that some families own these and will share them with other families and share the work that needs to be done. These campos are their second home, they usually live in the city in their small piso.

At the campo yesturday, I ate the sweetest clementines I have ever ate in my life, picked right off the trees in the backyard. I inhaled 3 of them, and could have had 10 more they were so delicious. This moment I wished I had my family with me because real fresh fruit we all love!

Also within that afternoon, I held a real chicken and ate bulls tail. You may need to re read my last two words. You read it right, BULLS TAIL. It was quite interesting, to say the least. I wasnt fond of it, though Sandra loves it. It was dark brown, had a light sauce with it, slightly fatty, and oddly, it was tender. Real cultural moments like these in Utrera are moment I wont forget. These will stay in my mind to give me pleasent memories years from now.

New life in Utrera

The last week has been a whirlwind of an adventure from the second stepping foot into my new little piso. As you know from my previous blog, I moved to Utrera for a month. I have one Spanish roommate, Sandra, who is the sweetest lady in her thirtees. From minute one, she has made me feel welcome and joyfully invited me everywhere she goes, from drinks with friends, the grocery store with her family, and her friends homes. We sit at the couch and talk in Spanish hours and hours. She wants me to improve! The heater is going under the table (spanish culture), I have my translator (google) out, we are munching on 'tijuana' flavored sunflower seeds, and we can hear spanish music being cranked from a few houses down. Sometimes her TV is on, which also helpes me learn spanish. We talk about my life back at home, spanish culture, music and movies a lot. Also, there isnt a day that goes by where I dont sit outside in the plaza with benches and trees enjoying the 75 and sunny weather.

Next door to Sandra lives her sister, husband, and two kids- a girl, Alicia 5 years old and a boy, Hon who is 11. Having the family next door was something I had not expected. It feels as though I am joining this spanish family temporarily. They are generous and its fun to hang out with a Spanish family. I feel as though I am finally getting the real Spanish experience living in Utrera.

The piso is small, but comfortable. I thought it would take longer to get accustomed to living here, but it took about 2 days. It will be hard to leave Sandra!

Being here has been great and I am very glad I chose this decision. The decision was one that I had thought and prayed about for weeks. The hour before the train that night, I decided to go. Something inside me urged me to go, and I am extremely glad I did. I was nervous before and didnt know what I was going into, but it has proved, once again, that following my heart (with much prayer) was a good decision. God is good! =]

Let's forget the world and embark on an adventure

I received an offer to live with three Spanish people in an extra room in their apartment...in Utrera, which is about 25 miles outside Seville. That is the location of my school, so it will bring my commute to a miraculous seven minute walk, instead of the lengthy hour and a half commute. I moved last night! I will only stay for about a month and I will still have my place in Seville for the weekends that I won't travel.

The pros to this choice has left my heart and mind with the decision to go ahead and do it. The main reason is the commute and I have to work the next 5 fridays for missed days from Christmas break and before from a sick day and a day I missed from Morocco. The piso is small compared to my place in Seville and there is no balcony to sit outside in, but there are plenty of nearby cafes to enjoy the 75 degree weather!

Utrera is a cute charming mini-Sevilla. It's full of cafes and shops, just as Sevilla is. There is similar architecture and a few nice parks to enjoy nature.

This will be a challenge and a large change. Living in Seville offers luxaries I won't have in Utrera. No Tex Mex restaurants offering American food, no Starbucks 8 minutes away by foot, no American roomies to vent about our teaching frusterations with, and last by not least, no american language at all.

I will live with three spanish people which will force me to speak spanish, and only spanish. They know NO english.

This certainly will be an adventure --- something I strive and live for.

It is in all of us to go out in the world and have adventures. It is up to us to be brave or not.

Joy in change

It's warming up here in Seville. Warming up as in: it's okay to not wear jackets, people are starting to wear shorts, I am using my space heater less & less, more ordering iced coffee at starbs, I sit outside hours a day enjoying the warmth of the sun, and I am most definitely working on my tan :)

On to more important things, this is what I've been reflecting:

The act of letting go of things from the past (distant or near) and to feel liberated in mindset & heart is hard. By letting go, I mean: expectations of others, frustrations, miseries, baggage, broken relationships, feelings, thoughts, perceptions, memories, financial issues, career choices, or anything else being a hinderance to a satisfied and purposeful life (those are just some examples).

People's opinions & feelings towards you, external world issues, today's crazy technology, and society's views, are some walls blocking us to let go and be liberated-- it's hard to let go completely; to meditate, pray, reflect, and fully surrender everything to God is a talent. I believe we are naturally inclined to let go, but sometimes we value society and other people's opinions above us so we cling on to the past. A piece of advice from Psalms 46:10 says it short and sweet:

"Be still and know that I am God!" This can mean something different to each person, but right now to me this means to to let go, relax and let God take control. Joy has come in my life with this simple verse.

Letting go is about change.

Letting go creates change.

In life we go through changes, whether they are positive or negative; Iv'e learned we must accept these changes with our whole being. If we don't, it's hard to let go and be at peace. For example: all relationships, friendship or love, have the potential to fade for whatever reason. Maybe the reason is moving, different points in lives, or two people just grow up and don't find much in common anymore. If you accept this, you can focus on your new relationships and healthy friendships rather than wasting time being upset that a certain friendship dwindled or a dear friend moved in a different direction.

When trying to let go, we often try to change others in order for our own fulfillemt in life. Through my relationships, I have learned we can't change people to suit our needs. People are not here to bring fulfillness in our lives. That comes from our relationship with God. People can, however, encourage, support, and keep accountable for you. After all, relationships and love are the most important thing on this Earth. I wouldn't be the same person I am today if it wasn't for past (I cherish all of my friends I have grown up with) and present relationships. Each one of my relationships have helped form who I am today.

...Fill your life with people that are positive, encouraging, and help bring you to the full capacity of your being.

When you do this, you will find yourself surrounded with real and genuwine friends who care about your progress and self improvement in life. They will help you get through change or letting go of whatever needs to be left.

As I look outside, it's a beautiful sunny day here in Southern Spain. I have a few months left, look forward to my remaining time, yet I am excited to come home :) I hope you all find a piece of joy in your day today!

Don't miss the little blessings

Something I learned while I grew up is to focus on the little things, thanks to my mom for surrounding me with these simple yet precious and strong words.

Take each day as it is, take each hour as a precious moment. Do not worry about the big picture in the unknown and mysterious future. When something went wrong or a trouble came my way, my mom would reassure me to take each hour or day at a time.

Sometimes this is hard for because I am a BIG dreamer and carry much determination. As you know, I knew I wanted to study abroad so I conquered that. I knew I wanted to teach 'over seas' after graduation; I am currently living that dream. Being someone who often thinks of the big picture in the future, I have to remember to look at the small pictures which make the whole. I have to think of each little action (or day) as a piece of a large puzzle and ultimately the puzzle will come together with the help of each small piece. Focus on what I have done, and not what I have to do.

You may look back and realize it was the little things that were the big ones.

Lifes little blessings are what matter.

Those are what brings me to lead a life fulfilled with happiness and joy.

A smile, laughter, a note, a prayer, a feeling, a picture, a song, lyrics, praises, psalms, quotes, colors.

Finishing a book, a favorite cup of coffee, walk with a friend, listening to my favorite song, discovering a new favorite band, a new recipe, viewing Gods beauty in nature, laughing with friends, a new favorite author, verse or movie.

I love this passage:

"Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds...

If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met...

Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes"

From Matthew 6:25-34 (The Message)

Near Mid-year Reflection!

These past two weekends were spent in Seville. It consisted of afternoon sunshine catching up on my reading, tapas at one of my favorite places Los Coloniales, Chinese food with some new friends, riding my Sevici around town, drinks with spanish friends, relaxing by the glistening sevilla river, and more Sevilla adventures.

This past weekend my best friends from college Brittnee and Kelsee visited me in Seville from where they are placed for teaching in a small town outside Granada called Baza. It was wonderful to have them here. It felt like home. When I am with them, no matter where we are, I always feel a sense of ease, as though I am home. We roomed for 3 years together in college and the first year they were just a floor below. The weekend was great. I took them to some of my favorite tapa bars or restaurants and the major tourist points such as Plaza Espana and the Cathedral. It was so much fun being with them in Spain because for years, we all wanted to teach abroad and we are all living our dream now. We were able to share stories, frusterations, memories, the good and bad times. If only Suze was with us....






With the time passed of almost 5 months in Spain, it is appropriate for a near-mid-reflection. When I studied in London, 4 months was it. Time was done. Whether I wanted to leave or not, the force of time brought me back home. As I cried on my last day there, I had to say my goodbyes to new friends and an amazing city that I came to LOVE. This time, it is not time to be finished. I still have months. Its a different mindset that study abroad. We have an actual life here. A job, bank account, mobile phone, and deadlines for rent.

In the past 5 months, I have grown and learned about myself and outside factors which make me myself. I have reflected on this world, America, my home, my job, other jobs, my faith, relationships, friendship, love and the mysterious thing we call the future.

I will start with my reflection on why I am here in the first place, teaching (besides my love for travel and adventure). I have realized I am glad I didnt major in elementary education. God bless those who did and I am sure you will make great teachers (such as one of best friends, Kendra). However, it is not for me. I am glad that I will teach high school or junior high. I am excited to teach the subjects which I enjoy such as culinary, or anything to do with foods, baking, interior or fashion design, career options, and other home economics subjects. I am excited to teach for a little while, but then hopefully start one of my other dream jobs. I have also learned many things NOT to do in a classroom regarding classroom management.

Next, I have learned how important it is to follow your heart. There were decisions in my past that I followed my mind. I thought and overanalyzed the situation, and I now realize it was the wrong decision. Many of you can relate. As I look back on my decisions I have made with my heart, they have been good ones that produced good outcomes and happiness. Although it is very important to think with your mind when making decisions, dont forget how strong your heart can be. Just know when you can ues your mind and when you can use your heart.

However, I also have learned that mistakes are memories made. Im not going to get into too much detail here but that its important to remember that any mistakes or anything you wish you could turn around and not have happened at all, are memories made. You need to be able to look back on some things when you are older from your twenties and reflect on them. We all need stories for our children, right? :)

Next, I have learned the importance of silence and reflection. Through my junior and high school years and into college, to say the least, I was a loud person who always wanted to be around people. People would know me as loud. If you knew me then and you know me now (most of you readers) you would know the difference. Im not that loud person anymore. I still have my moments, usually with my friends and family, but thats the past. Now I realize every day you need reflection and silence. Here its so easy to journal with my commute time on the train. It helps with gathering my thoughts together. I have to write things to organize my thoughts. I think part of being a strong and mature woman is to be able to be alone. Do things independently and without the distraction and varied opinions from friends or family. I know people who arnt at this point yet, and I hope one day they are able to be.

I have also learned how much self improvement and challenging myself and others are apart of my life. Every day, I want to improve. I want to be the best Alice I can be. I also want to help others and help them become the best they can. Self improvement involves reflection and challenging onesself to be better. With outside factors, friends, and family, they have all helped me become this woman I am today.

Next, I will state something I have said endless times since my first time being abroad, true friendship will show itself and last. True friends do show themself. When I was in London, I first came to this realization. This topic touches close to my heart because I care so much for my friends and have been through a number of ups and downs with them. They have stayed by my side during low times and have shown they support and care for me. I have seen who my true friends are while I am abroad in another country. A short fb message, a brief email update, an electronic smile, told you they looked at your pics, read your blog, etc,..... whichever. Every little thing matters when you are abroad. And when I say "I miss you and wish I was there", I mean it. The usual response is "But youre in SPAIN meeting a million new people and seeing a billion places." But, really, I miss you. Anyone who has experienced it will agree with me. I want all my friends to know that I love you and will always be here for you. No matter the distance. I will be home, soon enough.

A while back, I gave a post dedicated to my family. I wanted to briefly write again for this near-mid-reflection that my family means the world to me. We are all at different points in our life with our age differences, but we are still close. Each and every family member has contributed in their unique way that shows in my self today. They have challeneged me through life that is apparent now. I love each and every one of you and so blessed to be in the BSHAKS! I can produly say Forever.

As I write these reflections, another one came to mind. I have thought about this particular one through the fall semester, but never organized these thoughts. I am beyond grateful for the experience Olivet N. University gave me. If you know me, you know I had a bitter attitude towards ONU my first & second year there. It was then after study abroad that summer that I began to change my attitude towards it. Yes, there are some crazy rules there. But, they are all there to help us become mature and responsible adults. ONU has truly shaped a part of myself, the most important being my walk with God. I am blessed to graduate from a college with good morals and values. Of course, the amazing friends I got out of it is a huge factor in that as well.

I have many more months and loads of travel plans ahead of me with more growth and reflection.

Back in sunny southern Spain

¿Como estas?

I am back the delightful open arms of sunny southern Spain in Seville after a marvelous break home in Chicago. From the second I arrived at the airport, I knew it was the right decision to go home, instead of using the time to travel around Spain or Europe.

My break was filled laughter, friendship, family, friends, and enjoying time with mi novio, Matt. Break seemed to be a perfect timing. I had a blast being back home doing some fun activities. I went downtown Chicago a few times and enjoyed a touristy day in the city. During break, it wouldnt have been a surprise seeing me at Starbucks. I cant forget about the fire the girls and I almost started while baking cupcake smoores in our oven. Everything turned out good, thankfully! Christmas was an international one (not new in this family?) because of my gifts from Spain, Suzes from Argentina, and even Julies from Hawaii. Our tradition of cooking an international meal on Christmas day was to represent susan and I this year with Argentina and Spain. We had an array of grilled meats and Spanish sides. New Years was spent with Matt, Suze and Kristen in Indy to meet Bryanna and her boyrfriend Drew halfway.

Being home, I cant forget the Chicago foodie that I am. We enjoyed loads of my favorite american foods and restaurants that I dont have the privilege here, which I take for granted there. Some include hummus, peanut butter, vanilla soymilk,cookie dough, italian beef, and of course Lou Malnatis, I would argue with anyone that its the BEST deep dish pizza. All others are amateur.

Even though it was cold and snowy, I wouldnt have chosen a better way to spend the Holidays. After my terribly long journey back to Seville, 30 hours, it took me about a week to get over jetlag and get back in my routine here. Unfortunately I was sick my first weekend back, but I got much needed rest. I am back to warm sunny afternoons, cold nights, Spanish eating schedule, and the beautiful city of Seville.

Merry big Christmas spirit

With the overflowing Christmas spirit around us lately in Sevilla my thoughts have been focused on how happy I am to come home to Chicago in just a short 8 days. Before coming to Spain, I never would have thought how 'Christmasy' it is here with decorations snd spirit. Under my balcony on my street, there is a canapy of lights and on a main street, there are plenty more to fill the cheerful spirits. Last weekend, there were people selling gifts, pastries, and other trinkets on my street in little stalls. Even though it's 60 degrees here, people are still bundled up with warm, fuzzy, and fur scarves, coats, and boots. The other night, it was hard to walk on a main street with the hustle and bustle of people Christmas shopping and being with the ones they love.

Chicago still has my heart for Christmas though, it always will-- no matter where in this world I am. I am blessed to be able to go home for 3 weeks (I am missing one week of school) so I can be with the ones I love---including mi novio Matt, los BShaks, mis amigas, and of course Lous and Oberweis!

Of all the different ways people celebrate Christmas, we cant forget the meaning behind all this spirit and excitment in the air...a celebration of Christ's birth. Jesus's story is simply beautiful written, the starry night setting and the events that unfold around the birth. I believe that has become hijacked within society as a commercialized event for presents, family, food, and fun. This isnt necessary a bad thing, family and tradition are very important things in life. I am not saying I dont celebrate in these ways, I do. We just cant forget the meaning behind the celebration.

"An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord".
--Luke 2:9-11